I’ve been blogging for about a year and a half now. While it seems like I just started it also seems, at the same time, that I’ve always blogged. I enjoy writing and most of the time, the stuff just writes itself. I’ve evolved from trying to do a motivational and instructional blog to sharing some of my own struggles with you. I’ve changed the look of the blog about a bazillion times (seriously, though, that’s super fun to do!). I’ve changed the web address of the blog a few times. If I would have stayed right where I was, who knows how many followers I might have by now. But, I took the chance and “started over” by starting a brand new address. And then another. Through all of that, what I was really seeking was me.
Over the course of the time I’ve been blogging, I’ve joined gyms, quit gyms, (I’ve quit and rejoined the same gym like 3 times). I’ve found new classes, I’ve tried classes that were definitely not what I was looking for. I’ve tried working out at home. I’ve tried working out at the gym. I’ve tried cardio only, I’ve tried getting serious about weight lifting. I’ve tried this weight loss method or that one. I’ve looked into “coaching” schools so I can help teach people how to live better. I’m constantly searching for answers. But the truth is, I only need one thing that will answer all of my questions.
I need a positive self-image and I don’t have it. All those other things I’ve been doing? Well, they were just the distractions while my brain finally caught up with the rest of me. So, I’m done “changing” everything around me (except maybe the look of the blog, because that shit is FUN I tell ya!). What I need to work on has absolutely nothing to do with my abs or how many calories a bagel has. What I need to do is learn to honestly and authentically love myself and my body for all that it is and all that it isn’t.
My “theme” for 2012 was simplicity. I think my brain needed simplicity to quiet down. I needed to get rid of all the excess so I could “find” what I was looking for. And what I was really, truly looking for was a way to accept myself, flaws and all. My theme for 2013 is going to be “flaws and all”. I’m flawed. I make mistakes as a wife, mom, employee, friend, daughter, sister, etc. Why? Because I’m flawed. I don’t look like a super model in the mirror. Hell, I don’t even look like pictures of myself from a few years ago. I’m flawed. I can’t have a team following me around telling me the right things to do or say. They can’t airbrush me to make me look idealistic. They can’t do my hair and make up. (Although that part would be sort of awesome.) I can’t have a team to tell me if I have broccoli in my teeth or toilet paper on my shoe. I can’t have a team motivating me constantly or pushing me at every work out. I can’t have someone slap the donuts out of my hand (dude, I will break someone’s hand!). You know what? That’s okay. It’s time to accept myself for all that I am.
Flaws and all.